before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
