If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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