she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
