I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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