Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
