It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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