how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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