Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
