I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
