What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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