she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
