he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
