Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
