would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
