haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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