You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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