I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
