Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
