We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Randomize
