I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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