My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You can't motorboat a personality
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
