dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.