walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
