Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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