apparently the secret to your success is patron
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
