considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
