oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
