At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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