32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
