I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
