Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
