Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
