but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
