im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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