he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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