Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
