I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
