pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
