i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
