you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
