final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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