dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
