I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
