I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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