I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
