I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
