Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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