I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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