Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
