Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
