Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
