so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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