just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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