you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
