The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
