I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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