Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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