Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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