just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
