I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
