dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
