she's into porn, im staying here tonight
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
