it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
