life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he fucked my hip out of place.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
