Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
