guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
