I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
