I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
