how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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