If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
