I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
