Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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