We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
