Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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