i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
