Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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