I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
