That's intense
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
