dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
