We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
