So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
