Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
